How to Bargain at a Garage Sale (It Helps to Be Heartless)

Yesterday Jessie wanted to know how we go about getting lower prices at garage sales. Do we just ask? What exact phrasing is used? How do you know when you're paying too much, or asking too little?

After doing this for so long, I forgot that people who don't spend their entire weekends on other people's lawns and parking spaces don't naturally affect a cold stare and a smirk when paying for their junk and, in fact, get intimidated at the very thought of asking for a price other than the (usually high) prices marked on most items.

I was thinking about this today as I was crouched in someone's alley underneath the El tracks at Granville over a row of DVDs priced $3 each or 2 for $5. And then I heard it. It started with a scream, the kind of scream a mother lets out when her baby ends up in the mouth of a dingo. Then a loud electrical pop, like when a lightbulb blows out, but loud, like a firecracker. Then the El brakes, metal grinding, and yelling. Lots of yelling. And more screaming.

"What the...?" The half-dozen garage sale customers and I turned our attention to the train stop above our heads.

"What the hell just happened?" I asked.

"Somebody jumped," the woman selling the DVDs said. I guess she knew; she lives right by the El.

Slowly everyone got to their feet, dropped what they were doing and stared up at the train. We couldn't see anything. But we could hear that something was very, very wrong. More screaming, more yelling, and then sirens in the distance.

"Good, they called somebody already," the girl's boyfriend said as he headed to closer to the scene to get a better look.

"Jesus," people mumbled.

Casual, neighborly discussion of recent suicides-by-train, overdoses and traffic accidents ensued, until the boyfriend returned and did the universal sign for "decapitation" for his the rapt spectators. He then informed us that, according to the standers-by he'd just questioned, it was a male (now headless), certainly a suicide.

More shrugs from the garage sale audience. Several people put down the clothes and bulb vases they were looking at and sauntered out into the street where the firetrucks now were. And then one guy goes:

"Hey, will you take a dollar for this?"

Ruthless bargaining knows no limits.



Katherine's Rules for Ruthless Garage Sale Bargaining

Know your price. The best way to get the best price for something is to know, as I once heard a Guatemalan street vendor put so eloquently, "how much less price you pay." How much less price you pay? A better way of saying this might be, "What is it worth to you?" You might pay 30 dollars for a coffee table without blinking, but to me, because I go to so many garage sales, coffee tables are a dime a dozen. I swear, if garage sales were a country, coffee tables would be the standard currency. So I have no trouble saying, "Would you take five for this?"

Lowball, lowball, lowball. I know this is what scares everyone the most, but on big ticket items, you have to start low. Take the chairs I bought yesterday for instance. There were 6 awesome dining room chairs with no price. I wanted them so bad, I was nervous. But I coolly asked, "How much do you want for these?"

The guy wouldn't give me a straight price (a pretty good tactic for the sale host, I must say), forcing me to spit out my own price first. So I lowballed. "Oh, how about ten each?" (The secret here is: I would pay twenty.) He countered with, "It's early, I really don't want to get rid of them for that price yet," and ended it there. (What a tactic, again, I must say!) I hung out for a few minutes, then told him, "Okay, I think I'm going to buy these chairs," and got out my purse, like I was going to pay him. He goes, "What price did we agree on?" and I say, "I said ten?" and he goes, "Oh, I don't think I can let them go for less than 20 yet," so I said, "I thought you said fifteen," and he goes, "Did I?" and I go, "Would you do fifteen?" and he goes, "Sure." Behold, the power of the lowball! And behold, the chairs:







Harness the power of 75 cents Look, if someone makes the mistake of putting 75 cent price tags on everything, just gather a bunch of them and make up a number. What's 17 times 75 cents? See? You don't know. Would you take five dollars? Sure? Do the math. I just beat you out of 8 bucks.

Pay garage sale value, not retail value. As I've mentioned previously on this blog, it doesn't matter what someone originally paid for it, now that it's in their front yard on a Saturday at 10:30 a.m., it's only worth what someone will pay for it at a garage sale. And maybe you don't go to sales 4/7 days a week like some of us do, so allow me to give you a few basic price points, starting with the "I'd be surprised to see it for that cheap!" to "I'd never pay more than this for it."

• Clothes - $0.25---3.00
• Shoes - $0.50---5.00
• Coats - $2.00---10.00
• Coffee Table - $3.00---25.00
• CDs - $0.50--3.00
• Books - $.25---3.00
• Lamps - $3.00---15.00
• DVDs - $1.00---5.00
• Desk or Kitchen Table - $10.00--50.00
• Television - $5.00---20.00
• Dishes - $.50--2.00 each
• Pet carrying kennel - $1.00--3.00
• Area rug - $3.00---25.00
• Box fan - $1.00---3.00
• Window unit A/C - $10.00---50.00

Well, you get the idea.

Ask yourself, "Will I see it again?" Everyone has Ikea furniture, David Sedaris books and Counting Crows CDs. But not everyone has a Dansk teak salad bowl with matching utensils or a real human skeleton. The more garage sales you go to, the better idea you'll have of what you're bound to see again, and therefore, can walk away from if the price isn't right.

Buy in bulk. The more you buy, the more likely you are to get a deal. So combine items with your friends or fill a whole box if you can.

Keep your highest price in the back of your mind. Don't get intimidated when someone won't accept your lowball. Keep the highest price you're willing to pay in mind and walk away if their prices exceeds it, even after bargaining.

Round down, way down. I do this a lot when I buy books, CDs, jewelry or silverware... anything you can buy in bulk. If the prices are marked by piece, round up $7.50 worth of stuff and then offer five. Give yourself lots of wiggle room.

Drop the "old world" crap and just ask. Lots of these old matryoshkas want to ask the price, then just shake their head and go, "No.... no," confusing the fuck out of these yuppies who are scared they priced everything wrong anyway. The best way to bargain is just to ask, outright, how much you want to pay for the item (lowball, that is). Chances are, the person will just go, "Sure!" So, repeat after me: "Will you take a dollar for this?"

Oh, and if you don't believe me about the train accident thing:

Click here.